As humans in the real world, we have come to accept our fragile existence is restricted by the laws of nature and physics. When we play video games, we expect that these same laws don’t apply, and creative liberties are taken to make the game more enjoyable and playable. However, this doesn’t stop us from clearly seeing the hilarious aspects that if in real world, could both be a nuissance and incredibly helpful. This list will explore the uncanny features and abilities that video games contain that make no sense in the real world. Enjoy.
Small Objects Blocking Your Path
Picture this. You’re late to be somewhere while walking down the average corridor, when you notice something horrifying. A step ladder is lying on the ground. This can’t be happening now, not when you’re late, there is no way of passing by this object except finding another route. Oh wait I forgot, you can simply step over, or move it out the way like a normal human being. This isn’t the case in most video games however. The developers need to push you to go a certain direction, down a specific route, so in order to do this they must find some way to prevent the player from going off the beaten track. While in most cases this is a simple force field stopping you or a low fence/wall, it is much more hilarious when something like a couple of buckets or boxes stop the mighty protagonist in his tracks.
Carrying the Equivalent of a Shop in Your Inventory
In the real world, if you try to carry something too heavy you run the risk of doing your back in. Or, if you’re me you just don’t bother trying in the first place. But video game protagonists never seem to have got the memo. Hold 10-20 heavy weapons, no problem. How about 50 iron ingots? Easy. What about a months supply of food and healing items? That’s nothing, try a years stock. While games usually do have a weight/item limit, these are often very generous, allowing a ton of space to carry a plethora of items. What happens when you exceed this limit you might ask? While many often just slow your character down or prevent fast-travel, other completely stop from moving. This means that you could be holding a ridiculous amount of items and still be able to move like normal, but if you pick up a pencil which sends you above the carry weight, you’re instantly stuck in place. That must be some heavy pencil.
Having Special Vision
While for many of us, we envy the people that have 20/20 vision without the need for glasses. This would be nothing compared to if people had the special, superhuman vision many video game protagonists have. In games like Assassins Creed, Shadow of Mordor, The Last of Us, the main character has the uncanny ability to see through walls, detect random tiny details as they show up in a glowing colour as well as being able to track where enemies are going. While it would be considered normal if this was some dystopian future, for charaters in medeieval fantasy, realistic real worlds and in our world, this is something the average human is incapable of doing unfortunately. Just magine if we had abilities like this now, I would no longer have to worry about walking up to a corner and accidentally colliding into a poor passerby.
Recover from Deadly Wounds in Seconds
When we get injured, whether that be from a broken bone or something else, the normal thing to do would to go to the hospital. It will then usually take weeks for us to recover. But in video games, all it takes is a few seconds hiding in cover to completely heal from very serious injuries. You can literally be filled with bullets and other greivous wounds, then just by taking some medicine, you instantly recover your health and the bullets embedded in your body disappear. If you’re in a Farcry game, apparantly relocating a dislocated thumb heals bullet wounds in the chest. Essentially, all video game protagonists have the fast healing powers of Wolverine.
Imagine being an all powerful being of darkness and you had to wait your turn in a fight, even kids. This is the case for many games, mainly JRPGs like Final Fantasy. It’s hilariously absurd to think about, especially when you put it in terms like I just did. Turn-based combat may not be as common today, and I still love it, but idea of it is completely insane. Imgaine in real life, you get jumped on by a group of people who proceed to stand there patiently and aimlessly, waiting for you to decide what to do. Also how do creatures understand the concept of waiting their turn to attack you? It becomes more strange by the fact that you could simply sit around and do nothing for as long as you want while enemies are at the mercy of the power of turn-based combat.
Enemies are Blind and Dumb
If security guards in our world had the mental capacity and sight of video game npcs, every bank and shop across the world would have a 100% successful burglery rate. You woudln’t even have to try sneaking around and you would make away with all the money you could carry, or beter yet simply keep going back for more. No other game comes to mind as quickly as Skyrim. Enemies in this game have the memory, sight, and intelligence of a plant. You can literally sneak around and shoot an arrow into a person’s head (which doesn’t kill them) and they will look around for a like 10 seconds and go back to patrolling as if you don’t have an arrow embedded in your skull or other limb. Other games also suffer the same terribly stupid AI such as the Tomb Raider trilogy, but Skyrim stands out far more for its hilarity.
Leap of Faith
I couldn’t make a list of video game logic that doesn’t make sense without mentioning the infamous example that inspired the idea. Swan diving from a structure over a hundred feat high into a barrel of hay in our world would lead to your untimely death, and if you somehow survived, you would be considered insane. But in the world of Assassins Creed, this is just simply part of the job description for the far reaching Assassin Brotherhood that goes back millennia. In fact, it must be so common that poor civilians in the games have become accustomed to seeing crazed hooded figures plumeting from the skies into any surface that provides something to break their fall and coming out unscathed.
Thank you for reading my list of video game logic that doesn’t make any sense. This was a little different to the content I normally write so I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you thought in the comments below. And for all things gaming, stay tuned to Honest Gamer.
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